


Love For Two

by fudgecakez



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dancer Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Developing Relationship, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Jung Hoseok | J-Hope Is a Sweetheart, M/M, Making Love, Min Yoongi | Suga Is Whipped, Min Yoongi | Suga-centric, Producer Min Yoongi | Suga, References to Depression, Sad Min Yoongi | Suga, Slow Burn, Smut, Sope, Strangers to Lovers, Yoonseok - Freeform, sobi, this is so soft omg :(
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-06 03:25:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17337692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fudgecakez/pseuds/fudgecakez
Summary: Yoongi's expression displayed a thousand emotions and Hoseok felt them all."Your mind is racing ahead,"he seemed to say as he set his hand on top of Yoongi's,"Stop thinking, for a moment."And Yoongi was grateful.Or alternately, Yoongi owes Jin big time because if it wasn't for him, Yoongi wouldn't have met Hoseok (and now he's a little bit in love).x ~ x ~ x ~ x[Rated E for explicit sexual content, profanity, referals to past self-harm and mature themes]





	Love For Two

**Author's Note:**

> A big, big thank you to the lovely [LeaOotori](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeaOotori) for beta-reading this for me ^^ Please do check them out!
> 
> Note: Numbers next to the time-skips are not the actual amount of time that has passed, that was just me numbering the scenes.

 

 

 

**[start]**

He told himself he was better now.

 

"What the fuck?"

 

_'Stop looking at me like that.'_

 

"You need help."

 

_'I'm fine.'_

 

"You're just a defective product."

 

_'Don't... say that.'_

 

But his past whispered, and echoed, and growled in his ear.

 

"You monster."

 

_'Maybe, I'm better off alone.'_

 

"No one's gonna love you."

 

_'You're... right...'_

 

"Freak."

 

_'Maybe, some people just... aren't meant to be loved.'_

 

He tried his hardest to turn off his thoughts, his memories, but they bruised and battered at him until he lost touch with reality once more. 

**1 - [year(s) later]**

"How are you, Yoongi?" Jin gave him a warm-hearted smile but the sympathy was evident in his eyes and Yoongi hated it, so he pretended not to hear and kept his attention in front of him, on the laptop screen. "We're going out tonight..." Jin leaned onto the kitchen islands, elbows supporting his weight. Yoongi was already dreading where this conversation was headed. “...and we were hoping—”

 

"I'm busy," came his curt reply.

 

" _Please_ , Yoongi?" Yoongi hated when that tone was used on him; he was weak to it and these bastards knew that and used it against him. "You've been overworking yourself again and we barely see you anymore. We're your  _friends_." Everything hurt when the conversation took this turn. “We  _love_  you.” Because Yoongi was forced to see from a different perspective. " _We miss you._ "

 

It was always a "we" and it made his heart clench because he knew that at the end of the day, his actions affected his friends, too; the very people who seemed to stick around despite everything (the only ones, really). 

 

"Joonie's invited some new guy. Says he pretty chill, so will you please think about it?" Socialising was out of Yoongi’s comfort zone, but he knew he had to step back into reality sooner or later. Jin must’ve realised his agitation because he added, "You don't need to get involved with anyone; no one's going to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with."

 

He knew that: he needed to let loose.

 

Jin… seemed to have the same idea: "You just need to let loose."

 

Yoongi sighed, massaging his temples. The crease between his brows was becoming more prominent as the days went by. "You better be paying for the drinks," he finally conceded. He didn't want to go. He  _really_  didn't want to go. But something about Jin's blinding smile afterwards made him feel that for once, he'd actually made the right decision.

 

*** ~ * ~ * ~ ***

It was a horrible decision and he hated himself for agreeing to come.

 

Firstly, the DJ was so adamant on playing his shitty bass-boosted mixes and on full volume, too - the speakers booming in time with his heartbeat. Plus, the club was packed with sweaty bodies pressed up too close to each other; horny mobs grinding on every living, breathing organism walking on two legs, too plastered to even care.

 

But that wasn't even the worst part.

 

The "pretty chill" guy, as Jin had stated prior, turned out to be the polar opposite of what Yoongi had in mind. He thought it'd be someone who'd keep to himself and leave Yoongi out of his antics, but, as it turned out, he was intent on getting himself a black eye by the end of the night. He was too loud, smiling too bright, laughing too hard and frankly, Yoongi didn't even understand why the guy was sticking with him instead of partying with the others.

 

Yoongi slid his shot-glass across the table, calling the bartender over to hit him with one more. He was supposed to have fun tonight and getting shitfaced was about the only way he thought it possible. He was waiting for the shot when the "pretty chill" guy - or "Hoseok" as he'd introduced himself - came prancing over.

 

"Hi there!" He chirped, taking the empty seat next to Yoongi. He looked quite sober but the slight blush on his cheeks was prominent enough for one to know he was at least buzzed.

 

"Hello."

 

"Your friends seem to be having a blast." The comment was followed by one of the prettiest laughs Yoongi might have heard in his entire life (or maybe, that was the alcohol talking). "Are you enjoying yourself?'

 

"I guess?"

 

"You guess? Oh, c'mon now!" Yoongi's breath caught in the back of his throat as soon as Hoseok's hand came to rest on his knee. "We could get out of here, if you'd like?"

 

He spoke over the music and just by the way he'd turned himself towards Yoongi, sent red lights started going off in his head. He spoke before his mind could've processed anything, suddenly blurting out: "I'm not looking for a hook-up."

 

A few moments of silence passed between them and Yoongi started fearing that he might've said the wrong thing; maybe sex wasn't what Hoseok was implying. Goodness, not even that long in and he'd already made a fool out of himself.

 

Hoseok blinked, dumbfounded at Yoongi for a few seconds before he burst out laughing. Waving his hands, he denied, "No, no, sorry, I didn't mean it that way!" But could you really blame Yoongi for drawing conclusions so soon? (Maybe.) "You look really uncomfortable so I thought we could hit a convenience store or something?"

 

Oh.

 

"Oh..." Yoongi would like that. In fact, he'd appreciate that very much.

 

"Yeah?" Hoseok quirked an eyebrow at him.

 

Yoongi cleared his throat, trying to sound more definite this time: "Yeah, yeah, sure."

 

While leaving the club, he thought he saw Namjoon cast him sidelong glance, worry evident in his eyes, but it was fine. Yoongi could handle himself if anything went wrong. Plus, Hoseok... Yoongi gave him a quick peek and noticed the upside down hearts in his ears. Hoseok didn't look like a bad guy.

 

And in due time, Yoongi was going to realise that Hoseok was actually far from it.

 

**2 - [month(s) later]**

Far, far from it, really. Hoseok... was a total sweetheart and seemed to know exactly how Yoongi was feeling at the moment, even if he never said anything. A few months of getting used to his presence and it still surprised him how well Hoseok fit in his life. It  _should've_ been alarming but it wasn't and that's what troubled Yoongi even more: how easily he'd accepted him.

 

"I was in high school when I argued with my parents for the first time," Hoseok mused, folding his arms underneath his head and lying down on the concrete floor, next to Yoongi. "I still feel guilty about it, sometimes, but they were insulting my best friend," his eyes were trained on the evening sky above them, "What else could I have done?" When Yoongi took a peek over at Hoseok, he wasn’t sure what was worse: not being able to read his expressions or knowing each and every detail. "They found out he was gay and freaked out," Hoseok's nostrils flared as he exhaled a deep breath and Yoongi immediately knew it wasn't exactly a happy memory for him to recall. "They wanted me to cut ties and I... I told them it wasn't any of their business."

 

Their friends had decided to do barbeque on the rooftop that night and Yoongi was vaguely aware of them, setting up the grill and bringing stuff up from the car. He heard the kids roughhousing at the back, Taehyung's shouting and Jin's scolding, and it made him question himself, again, for a split second: was he supposed to know this? Did Hoseok mind their friends overhearing? They were in earshot, after all.  _'Hoseok's confiding in you, you stupid fuck,'_  he mentally chided himself,  _'Shut up.'_

 

Unaware of the mini internal crisis Yoongi had just gone through, Hoseok carried on with his monologue: "You're human before anything else, right? I told them it didn't matter, I—" The crease between his brows deepened and it took him a moment to continue, "My father got really mad at me but my mum managed to reason with him. We never brought up the topic again."

 

Yoongi hugged his knees closer to his chest and burrowed his face his face into his knees. He didn’t think twice before speaking, nor could he control his mouth from running: "I like boys."

 

Hoseok didn't give him any time to regret it, swooping in without missing a beat. "That's alright."

 

Yoongi didn't know what he was expecting Hoseok's response to be but a small part of him was... relieved? He felt himself smile against the rough fabric of his jeans and all of a sudden, his shoulders weren't as weighed down. This was one more topic off his chest and one less item to constantly fret over and honestly... it was such a freeing feeling.

 

"That's okay, Yoongi." Hoseok didn't look at him and Yoongi didn't return the gaze but really, they didn't have to. It was alright, as Hoseok had said. And if anyone noticed the remnants of a smile playing his lips for the rest of the evening, no one said a thing.

 

_("Me, too.")_

 

**3 - [month(s) later]**

If either of them had noticed how fast their relationship seemed to be transitioning -  _evolving_  - neither of them mentioned it. Neither of them stepped away to try taking precautions or slowing things down. It was something they'd established, something both of them had agreed to, silently, amidst the various eye contacts, the smiles and the secrecy of the night.

 

**_Hoseok [20 35]_ **

_happy new years hyung_

_ <3 _

 

It wasn't odd for Yoongi's thought process being disrupted by notifications of messages from the younger. It always snapped him out of whatever work streak he was on, though he never seemed to mind.

 

**_Yoongi [20 36]_ **

_Happy New Years._

_How are you doing?_  

 

He was still slightly standoffish - a bit cautious. But Hoseok was gradually tearing those walls down and much to Yoongi's dismay, he was allowing it. He felt like he was silently watching from the sidelines, not knowing how to stop it (did he even _want_ to?)

 

**_Hoseok [20 37]_ **

_jiminie and tae went back home_

_so I've got the flat all to myself_

_it's so quiet haha_

 

Yoongi frowned.

 

**_Yoongi [20 37]_ **

_Have you eaten?_

  
  
  
He might just be overthinking it; it was easy to imagine there were implications to Hoseok's texts.  
  
  
  
**_Hoseok [20 38]_**

_don't worry about me hyung_

_I'm fine_

_you have fun though_

_bring back souveniers_

Yoongi stared at their chat for a few moments. Thinking it through. Waiting. Trying to rationalize with himself,  _‘Don't do it.’_  His grip tightened on his phone case, staring at the grey text bubbles.

 

**_Yoongi [20 50]_ **

_**souvenirs_

  

**_Hoseok [20 53]_ **

_fuku den_

_n if your wondering_

_yes_

_thats an actual place_

 

**_Yoongi [20 54]_ **

_**you’re_

_**that’s_

_**and_

 

He really was stupid for doing this because he knew he wasn't obligated to - they weren't even that close. But something inside him tipped over at the mention of Hoseok being all alone on New Years. And soon he found his finger hovering over the tiny green icon next to a contact he hadn't touched in far too long. He should've felt bad about it but he really didn't.

 

He sighed, hauling himself out onto the busy city streets. People were hurriedly milling about to get to their nearest train stations to visit their families back home. And Yoongi stood dab-smack in the middle of their crowd, praying that he'd find himself a taxi and be able to catch one of the last buses to Seoul.

 

"Eomeoni?" He stuffed his gloved hand inside his the pocket of his coat, trying to ignore the cold biting at his skin. "I'm sorry..." His nose was probably red by now but there wasn't much he could do about that. He was too busy trying to overlook his mother's dejected sigh and the dismal " _This year, too?"_

 

**_Hoseok [21 07]_ **

_(Read)_

 

He'd endured sitting in a packed train for a whole hour, all the way from the Seoul, Yongsan to the Cheongju, Osong Station. It was a connecting ride that'd taken about two hours but the fact that he'd managed to secure a seat last minute was something to be grateful for. And he was. Until he realised he'd have to put himself through almost two more hours of torture to travel from the Cheongju to the Seoul Express Bus Terminal.

 

 _‘This is going to cost me so much,’_ he grumbled underneath his breath, but did he really have the right to complain? This was his choice, after all. Hoseok hadn't asked for it. In fact, he didn't even _know_. And that's maybe why deep down, Yoongi hated himself for it: willingly going out of his way for someone he'd barely even known for a few months, choosing him over his own blood relations.

 

**_Junki [21 53]_ **

_This year too?_

 

He saw the message pop-up as he heaved out a sigh, practically throwing himself onto one of the many empty seats in the bus. Luckily - or unluckily, he wasn't sure - the bus was mainly empty, except for a few other passengers. He wasn't really sure why the bus driver had given a sidelong glance when he'd got on. He assumed it had something to do with New Years and dumb traditions.

 

**_Junki [21 53]_ **

_We really miss you_

His brother was about the only person he was still in-touch with. They exchanged texts every now and then, with Yoongi listening helplessly as his brother updated him on their mother's deteriorating health. Yoongi sighed, not thinking twice before switching his phone to mute and stuffing it into his pocket. His familial circumstances were really not as bad as they'd once been but there was still a gap they'd yet to bridge.

 

So when Hoseok's eyes visibly widened at the sight of the smaller man, the only excuse he could come up with was, _"I can visit on Seollal"_   which was partially true. But did it justify Yoongi turning back halfway to spend New Years' with Hoseok? (No.)

 

Hoseok didn't question it, quietly allowing the younger man inside. The apartment was dark with the exception of the light coming from the T.V. and the volume had been toned down to the point where Yoongi thought that maybe, Hoseok had only been using it as background noise to mask up the empty silence of his apartment.

 

Still, Yoongi picked up on the rowdy cheering of the crowd as they waited for the official countdown to begin any time now. "I brought chicken," he announced, setting the polythene bags on the coffee table. He threw himself onto the couch, making a show of getting comfortable. Hoseok just smiled, sitting himself down beside Yoongi without saying another word.

 

 _"Five!"_  
  
  
  
Which was fine, too. Their shoulders brushed up against each other, Yoongi refusing to cast a sideways glance at the other man. There were words that remain unsaid, hanging in the thin air between them  _("Thank you")_. They didn't look at each other, choosing to instead, keep their eyes glued to the screen.

 

_"Four!"_

There was definitely something in the air: something too fragile. So they didn't look at each other. Instead, they were thinking about everything, wondering what was on the other's mind. Neither did they ask, nor did they tell. (It was everything.)

 

_"Three!"_

 

"To another great year, hyung," Hoseok whispered and when Yoongi turned, he found the man already watching him. Yoongi's gaze shifted back and forth, between the numbers on screen and Hoseok, before he finally returned the stare.

 

_"Two!"_

 

"To another a great year," he repeated, the hints of a smile ghosting on his lips.

 

_"One!"_

 

Their eyes were glassy, reflecting the other and mimicking each others' concerns: for the future - for what it had in store. For everything that was to come. For everything they'll have to face. Scared of the change the new year would bring.

 

Yoongi's expression displayed a thousand emotions and Hoseok felt them all.  _"Your mind is racing ahead,"_  he seemed to say as he set his hand on top of Yoongi's,  _"Stop thinking, for a moment."_

_"Happy New Years'!"_

 

And Yoongi was grateful.

 

**4 - [month(s) later]**

He was so,  _so_ eternally grateful to whatever god out there for blessing him with someone as wonderful as Hoseok.

 

Someone who didn't spam the group chat or his messenger with an overwhelming amount of texts and emojis and exclamation marks. Someone who didn't burst into his shared apartment with Namjoon to drag him outside because  _"you're not getting your prescribed amount of sunlight, Yoongi, you'll fall sick"_. Someone who didn't raid his studio when he was drowning himself with tons of work and accepting heaps more projects than he was built to handle.

 

He wasn't overly-protective like Jin, wasn't excessively clingy like Jimin, didn't brood like Jungkook, and Yoongi was truly so grateful for his meditative presence.

 

So that one fateful evening when his phone lit up, displaying a pop-up from the last person who he thought would disturb him... he was taken aback, to put it mildly.

 

**_Hoseok [21:29]_ **

_Ramen?_

 

Yoongi should've just outright denied; he didn't owe Hoseok any explanations. Or Yoongi could've informed him of the many deadlines looming overhead, of the numerous unfinished tracks, the countless unanswered emails. (He didn't.)

 

Half an hour later and he found himself in a rundown convenience store, right down the block from his studio. "You've got everyone worried, again, hyung," Hoseok chuckled, holding two different flavours of cup noodles up to Yoongi.

 

He pointed to the one in Hoseok's left hand, grumbling, "They should be used to it by now."

 

"That's not a very good excuse for overworking yourse—How is your back still intact, anyways?" Hoseok snickered, his tone teasing. Picking a Neilson shake from the fridge, he gestured it towards Yoongi, "Strawberry?"

 

Yoongi nodded, crossing his arms over his chest in a defensive manner. He lagged behind Hoseok as they made their way to the counter and didn't even object when Hoseok declared he would pay for them both.

 

"Don't pout, hyung," Hoseok offered him a small smile and a pat on the back as he ushered them both out of the store and into his second hand Corolla  _("It's all us college students can afford,"_  he'd griped,  _"the more fortunate of the bunch")._  "Hey, we came here the first night too, right?" Hoseok mused, "The whole club thing."

 

Yoongi hummed, recalling the night as if it'd taken place yesterday.  _"So what do you do hyung?"_  Hoseok had asked in an attempt to make small talk, something to fill the silence that set over both of them under the hood of this very car.  _"Namjoonie told me you dropped out a while back? Which is—There's nothing wrong with that, I'm just curious."_  Hoseok called him a "nervous wreck" but now that Yoongi thought back to it, the younger had only been trying to convince himself that he wasn't feeling just as anxious.

 

"How's the mixtape coming along?" Hoseok’s slender fingers drummed on the faux leather covering the steering wheel, the cups of ramen sitting untouched between them. Yoongi brought himself back to the present. "You're eating well, right? Don't make me start coming over to spoon-feed you Jin hyung's cooking." Hoseok chuckled and it reminded Yoongi of how Hoseok had tried his darndest to get Yoongi feeling comfortable around him,  _"Gosh, hyung, it's just me, don't worry"._

 

It was stupid because it was never  _just_  him. It had never been "just" Hoseok and a part of Yoongi had known that from the start, but he was only coming to realise it now that he thought back to all those times they had exchanged bits of conversation out of their friends' earshot. There was never a "just" when it came to Hoseok, and Yoongi wasn't sure what to make of that.

 

"Anyways," Hoseok inserted the keys in the ignition and the engine roared to life with only one twist, "How about you show me your work, next time?" He flashed Yoongi his signature heart-shaped smile - the one he had come to know all too well by now - and Yoongi only gave him a noncommittal nod, unsure whether the time would ever come.

 

**5 - [week(s) later]**

Oh how wrong he was. And how tempted he was to go back and shove a fist down his own throat because it was him who'd let Hoseok inside in the first place. Willingly, too.

 

So there Hoseok stood, next to Yoongi's grey computer chair, with his headphones on and head bobbing along to the beat flowing in. Yoongi watched the cursor move idly on the screen, choosing to keep his eyes off Hoseok for the time-being, fearing the hints of a reaction his expression would betray.

 

Hoseok's foot tapped irregularly against the carpeted floor, the muffled sounds reaching Yoongi's ears and doing nothing to calm his anxious state of mind. His eyes scanned over the text playing on his computer and he momentarily thought about changing the song.

 

The more he pondered on it, the more he came to realise that the song wasn't, in fact, the safest. Which got him thinking: did he want to open up to Hoseok? Is that why he knowingly clicked on this particular track? Did he want his acceptance? Was he looking for Hoseok's approval? And why?

 

As Hoseok took the headset off, the melody briefly consumed them both and Suran's sweet voice singing _"So Far Away"_ flooded the enclosed space they were confined in. He set it on Yoongi's cluttered desk, not saying anything for the next few moments and Yoongi had to bite down the urge to gnaw on his already-chewed nails - a nervous habit of his.

 

"Is there..." He cleared his throat, "Is there anything you want to tell me, hyung?"

 

"Is there anything you want to know?" Yoongi countered with a little more snark than he was hoping for. He regretted it immediately afterwards.

 

"I do, as a matter of fact." Hoseok crouched down to eye-level with Yoongi and in the cramped space of his studio, Yoongi had to turn his face away to stop the heat from rising to his face. "Please?" Hoseok whispered but his voice was loud and clear to Yoongi.

 

"I..." Yoongi hated how vulnerable he sounded - how bare he was laying himself for Hoseok. "I went through a really dark period during my time in Daegu" was all he offered for the meantime and he was so thankful when Hoseok didn't press any further on that.

 

"Look at me?" Yoongi really didn't want to because he knew the untold truth would be written in big, bold letters on his face; it was moments like these when he hated being as readable as he was. But Hoseok had asked so sweetly, so nicely, like he knew just from the few words Yoongi had disclosed that this was just the tip of the iceberg.

 

So reluctantly, Yoongi turned to face Hoseok and if the memories weren't overwhelming enough, the amount of understanding and overflowing empathy flooding Hoseok's features certainly was. And if his vision wasn't clouded before, it definitely was now and as much as he wanted to, Yoongi found himself unable to break whatever connection they had going.

 

Sensing his discomfort and seeing the tears brimming his eyes, Hoseok pulled the smaller man towards him, wrapping a comforting arm around his narrower frame. Yoongi didn't have to say anything; Hoseok already knew all that he needed to. Yoongi had exposed part of himself he worked very hard to hide. He’d thought, perhaps, that Hoseok would be disgusted, or angry, but there something entirely different on this face: something that looked almost like he felt honoured for Yoongi confiding in him. 

 

"It's okay, hyung," Hoseok cooed into Yoongi’s dark hair, massaging his scalp with his nimble fingers. "It's okay to cry.” Yoongi sniffled, burrowing his face into Hoseok's neck but grudgingly keeping his fingers frozen to the chair's armrest. "It's okay to depend on others," he murmured and Yoongi let his eyelids flutter shut. "Your past doesn't define who you are today."

 

 _'That's in no way possible,'_ Yoongi wanted to argue,  _'It's your past that moulds you into what you are today; without a past, we wouldn't be who we are now; we wouldn't have grown, wouldn't have learnt.'_ Yoongi wanted to argue but all he could manage was a pathetic sob as he squeezed his eyes shut, praying he wouldn’t end up soaking Hoseok's shirt with saltwater.

 

Hoseok's hold on Yoongi only tightened and it was in that moment when Yoongi realised just how fucked he really was.

 

**6 - [week(s) later]**

He was so _so_ fucked.

 

"It's really not what you think," Yoongi shouted as soon as he stepped into his shared apartment, slamming the door shut behind him.

 

He walked into the open-kitchen to pour himself a glass of water, desperately wanting to smack that smug look off Namjoon's face. "Is it not?" Yoongi could hear the smirk in Namjoon’s voice and it only pissed him off more as he set the cup down on the counter, slightly harder than he'd meant to. "It's the third time this month, hyung, isn't it?"

 

Yoongi exhaled heavily through his nose, swallowing a painkiller and going over to flop onto the couch next to his flatmate. "I swear..." He groaned, covering his eyes with his arm. "He was just in the mood for ice cream; don't blow the story out of proportion, please." Yoongi knew he was already in deep waters, with no land within sight. The last thing he wanted was to drown because his friend got the wrong (or right) impression.

 

"Yeah," Namjoon scoffed, turning to face Yoongi, television still blaring in front of them. "Getting ice cream with  _you_ when he has, not  _one,_ but  _two_ hyperactive roommates who would go to the ends of the world for him?" He smiled but there was something underlying it that Yoongi didn't quite like. "Don't you think that's a bit odd?"

 

In Yoongi's defence, Jimin and Taehyung were too attached to their hyung. "Can you drop it?" He snapped. It was how he'd been warming himself up to the idea of someone like Hoseok; bringing himself closer with small baby-like steps. Maybe, Yoongi would've been more open, more accepting, if it'd caught him like a deer in the headlights because at least then he could say he'd known all along.

 

"I'm sure I'm not the only one who's noticed but..." Namjoon folded a leg underneath himself, "You've changed?" He paused, as if searching for the most appropriate word to describe Yoongi's circumstances, "You’re… happier?"

 

" _Happier_..." Yoongi tested the world out, liking the way it rolled off his tongue. As much as he knew he was only adding fuel to the fire, he also knew that there was no point in wasting time arguing (at least, not anymore). "I'm..." His pitch suddenly lowered and silence rang throughout their apartment.

 

Namjoon waited patiently, not pushing Yoongi into admitting something he was not comfortable with yet. If there was anything he'd learnt about his housemate over the past years, it was that he came around, eventually - sometimes, sooner. And that's what made Yoongi's heart clench painfully in his chest; his friends were always so tolerant with his relentless attitude, always so patient and trusting and god, what had Yoongi done to score himself people this close to his heart?

 

They deserved to know without having to pry the door open - that was the least Yoongi could do for them. "I'm so screwed, Joon..." His voice came out croaky and strangled and Namjoon knew not to continue on this topic, anymore.

 

**7 - [month(s) later]**

Which is one the worst decisions Namjoon's ever made because it was slowly coming to a point where Yoongi had no idea, anymore.

 

**_Yoongi [23 50]_ **

_You up?_

 

**_Hoseok [23 50]_ **

_hyung?_

_yeah_

_what's wrong_

 

**_Yoongi [23 51]_ **

_Can't sleep._

 

**_Hoseok [23 51]_ **

_is everything alright_

 

**_Yoongi [23 51]_ **

_Yeah._

 

**_Hoseok [23 51]_ **

_lies_

_I can smell them from a mile away_

_I'm coming_

 

**_Yoongi [23 51]_ **

_Thank you, Hoseokie._

 

**_Hoseok [23 52]_ **

_its what friends are for_

_get the bath running_

 

**_Yoongi [23 52]_ **

_?_

 

**_Hoseok [23 52]_ **

_I've got some shit_

 

**_Yoongi [23 52]_ **

_Scented candles, too?_

 

**_Hoseok [23 52]_ **

_anything_

_for you_

 

 _"Don't you think that's a bit odd?"_ Namjoon's voice repeated itself over and over in Yoongi’s head as he read and re-read Hoseok's last text  _('What does he mean, "for you"?')._ He stared at his roommate's dark oak door, envisioning Namjoon’s pompous smile. What would he say? What would he think if he saw Yoongi letting Hoseok into their apartment at such an hour without any questions asked?

 

Dim light slipped through the gap at the bottom of the door and Yoongi could only imagine his expression. He raised a hand to knock, to inform his best friend of what was happening now, of how scared Yoongi really was. But knowing Namjoon... he probably already had a rough idea.  _"Don't you think that's a bit odd?"_

Finding it pointless, he retreated back into his room. The weak flames of the candles set up almost everywhere were the only sources of light in the bathroom and Yoongi found it oddly... comforting. He stripped himself, tossing his clothes to one corner and, ensuring he didn’t stare too long at his ghastly reflection in the mirror, plodded over to the bathtub.

 

The bathbomb he’d put into the water made it a mix of a pearly blue and iridescent purple with specks of colourful frosted flakes. It enveloped Yoongi's petit frame, the warm water caressed his pale skin and covering his body like a thick woollen blanket full of dreams and lost wonders. Yoongi found himself sinking deeper into the water.

 

The soft scent of lavender embraced him and he felt his shoulders relaxing. He waded his hands in the water - the level reaching up to just below his collarbones - before bringing them to rest under his thighs. There was a knock at the door and before Yoongi could register it, Hoseok's head was already peaking in.  _("Don't you think that's a bit odd?")_

 

"Everything good?" He asked, walking in and closing the door with an audible little  _click._ Yoongi felt slightly bare, but perhaps it was his fault for not locking the door beforehand. "I brought you something," Hoseok’s voice was silvery and pleasant and maybe, it brought Yoongi a feeling of internal warmth - he wasn't going to admit it, though (especially not to Namjoon).

 

In his hands, Hoseok carried a plate of assorted chocolates that he set down on the deck of the bathtub, sitting himself on the edge of it. "It's nice," a faint smile played Yoongi's lips and he ducked his head, suddenly feeling too timid to face the other man.

 

Unfortunately for him, though, one of Hoseok's slender fingers slid under his chin, lifting his face up. Hoseok's lips were parted as if there was something he wanted to say but the words were lost as soon as he met Yoongi's eyes.

 

They looked at each other long enough for Yoongi's insecurity to catch up to him and he thought that maybe the water wasn't as murky as he'd thought, didn't hide him as well as he'd thought. The pad of Hoseok's thumb grazed Yoongi's jaw and Yoongi thought he saw fragments of longing (small shards of something so much _more)_ glimmering behind Hoseok's dark eyes - but maybe it was just the dim lighting playing tricks on him.

 

The candle flames flickered around them, bringing out the pretty caramel of Hoseok's complexion. Yoongi followed the curve of Hoseok's nose but his piercing gaze compelled him to look back at his eyes.

 

Maybe, they looked at each other too long to be just friends.

 

"Hoseokie...?" Yoongi murmured and it seemed to get the cogs grinding again in Hoseok's head because he pulled away entirely.

 

"How about next time you can visit me," his tone was modulated and he turned away from Yoongi, "Drop by my studio or something." He scratched the back of his head, letting his arm fall to his side. "Well…. just text me. Later" was the last thing he said before making his way out of the bathroom, leaving Yoongi to himself.

 

 _("Don't you think that's a bit odd?"_ _Stop_.)

 

His eyes flickered to the plate of chocolates across from him and, not wanting to think about it, he submerged himself further into the coloured water.

 

**8 - [week(s) later]**

You don't always get what you want: that's just how life is most of the times.

 

And that's what Yoongi learned when he found himself waiting outside of the frosted window-walls as muffled music blared through. He thought about texting Hoseok or just barging right in, but in both cases, he was afraid of disrupting practice. So instead, he chose to wait outside, patiently, till Hoseok was on break - or better yet, done for the day - to let his presence be known.

 

Luckily for him, practice didn't go on for too much longer after he’d arrived and soon a throng of teens and pre-teens were bustling out. Even in such a crowd, Yoongi spotted the owner of the most bedazzling smile he'd ever seen and said smile only seemed to grow as the man in question spotted him. "Hyung!" Hoseok beamed, bee-lining over to Yoongi.

 

His forehead was glistening and his hair was slicked back, damp with sweat - it should've been disgusting but really all Yoongi wanted to do was flatten it down, or run his fingers through it. He opened his mouth to speak—

 

"Hobi-hyung!" Jimin called, pushing past the students that were currently filing out of the building. "Great work tod—" He cut himself off, seeing his hyung currently occupied with someone else. "Sorry, I didn't mean to ruin the..." The blond man nudged Hoseok in the side, giving Yoongi a small smirk, "...little _moment_ you had going with your boyfriend," he giggled, sprinting away as soon as the words tumbled out of his mouth, leaving the flustered couple behind.

 

"Aish! I apol—apologize for him," Hoseok almost choked on his own spit, avoiding Yoongi's gaze. "What a brat, gosh, I—" He groaned, covering his face with the towel that was draped over his shoulders. He sighed, turning his attention back on Yoongi, who was now fidgeting in his spot. "Come with me?" Hoseok offered him a hand and led them both inside to his dance studio.

 

He ushered Yoongi inside, instructing him to  _"get comfortable, hyung, want me to get you something to drink?"_  as he himself hustled about, trying to clear up the visible mess. He turned the sound system and mirror lights off before going to get changed into a clean pair of clothes.

 

In the meantime, Yoongi looked about, taking the place in. Now that he thought about it, he'd known Hoseok for... how long now? Six months? Seven months? Jimin and Jungkook invited him to their workshops and events quite a lot but he hadn't once seen Hoseok dance.

 

"Wanna dance, hyung?" He reappeared in front of Yoongi, wearing a much more comfortable pair of sweats and a loose t-shirt that complimented his lanky, rather slender figure quite nicely. The high and the adrenaline had worn off but his smile was ever-present, albeit, much more relaxed now, more sated. It brought a warm, fuzzy feeling inside Yoongi.

 

"No, Hoseokie, I don't dance," Yoongi shied away, scared that his inexperienced ass would end up making up a fool out of himself in front of Hoseok. If the rumours about Hoseok inventing dancing held any amount of authenticity in them then someone of Yoongi's level would look like a fish flopping out of water next to god, himself.

 

But Hoseok insisted, "Please?" He extended a hand and Yoongi wanted nothing but to take it; something inside him held him back. "Just once?" The Hoseok in front of him was always so different from the Hoseok he saw on a daily basis - when they hung out together with their friends. The part of him that he displayed to Yoongi was so starkly contrasting to the happy-go-lucky boy that everyone knew.

 

As that realisation set in stone, Yoongi slowly became conscious of how alone they were. In this room. Just the two of them.

 

"Dance with me," Hoseok pleaded with stars behind his eyes and his heart on his sleeve, "And we'll pretend the world doesn't exist."

 

And after that, Yoongi knew there was no going back. This was something constrained to the two of them. So with the belief that Hoseok was trusting him with something big... Yoongi took his hand.

 

 _("Don't you think that's a bit odd?"_ _Shut up.)_

 

**9 - [month(s) later]**

**_Hoseok [19 07]_ **

_I've come to a conclusion_

 

Yoongi's phone buzzed on the table. "Ar yough gunhna eckfh daght?" Taehyung spoke with his mouth stuffed with food and Yoongi—No, the entire table cringed in disgust. Yoongi slid his plate over to the boy who gave him a boxy smile and Yoongi could've sworn he saw something stuck between his front teeth. He wasn't going to tell him, though.

 

**_Yoongi [19 09]_ **

_Can this wait till later?_

_Wait._

_What the fuck are you doing?_

_I'm sitting in front of you?_

_Can't you be normal, for once?_

_And c o n v e r s a t e, properly?_

_Like a h u m a n?_

_Using your m o u t h?_

_You're u s u a l l y quite great at that._

 

Hoseok felt a sharp kick to his ankle, from under the table.

 

**_Hoseok [19 09]_ **

_OW_

_THAT HURT ASSHOLE_

_and your the one spamming ME_

 

**_Yoongi [19 09]_ **

_Fuck off._

 

Hoseok shrugged -  _"suit yourself"_  it seemed to say - but it wasn't long before Yoongi was reaching for his phone again, curiosity getting the best of him.

 

**_Yoongi [19 32]_ **

_What conclusion, though?_

 

**_Hoseok [19 32]_ **

_I knew yud cave eventually ;)_

 

Another kick. And this time he let out a small noise of distress, earning him a few curious looks from their friends. He waved it off.

 

**_Hoseok [19 33]_ **

_seems like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today_

_yeah_

_so_

_your songs_

_they're inspired by things right_

_like_

_people n events and emotions_

 

Yoongi cocked an eyebrow in his direction.

 

**_Yoongi [19 33]_ **

_What is your mind even?_

_We're in the middle of having dinner._

_With a drunk Jimin._

_And Jin's shitty dad jokes._

_But this is still where your mind goes?_

 

**_Hoseok [19 34]_ **

_just answer the question_

 

If any of their sober, more-rational friends saw them glued to their phones for the majority of the night, no one commented on it. And that worked just fine with Yoongi.

 

**_Yoongi [19 34]_ **

_Yes._

 

Hoseok was smart and Hoseok was observant, and those were two of the very many facts Yoongi had just confirmed for the umpteenth time since the start of their friendship. So Yoongi decided he'd get it over with that night. Namjoon had managed to convince him, anyways.

 

 _"Have you told him yet, hyung?"_ He'd asked as Yoongi half-dragged his tipsy friend back to their apartment. Yoongi's silence answered for him quite well.  _"What's holding you back?"_ Yoongi pursed his lips.  _"What do you have to lose?"_

Good question. What  _did_ Yoongi have to lose? His respect in Hoseok's eyes? Their friendship? About the only person who he could tolerate for more than a few minutes? Just about everything, no? He'd lose their late night outings and random talks because Hoseok's like that: he'll feel bad for leading Yoongi on any further and then Yoongi would lose everything because Hoseok will make it awkward between th—

 

 _"You do know Hoseok isn't like that?"_ Namjoon had interrupted his inner dilemma.  _"He's different, don't you think so?"_   He did. Perhaps, that's why Yoongi had let him in, too. He was kind and thoughtful and friendly and patient and everything Yoongi wasn't; _everything Yoongi wanted. "Besides, you don't have to be up front about it."_

That's what really stuck with him. Even when he'd tucked Namjoon to bed, with a glass of water and a couple of painkiller tablets by his bedside table.  _"He doesn't have to get the hint_ ," Namjoon had said as Yoongi hauled his friend into the elevator.

 

That's what he was poring over as he set his laptop up, scrolling down the folder that contained his final projects - collabs or otherwise. Here's what Yoongi was going to do: he'd send Hoseok a track and if he caught on, good for him, if not then so be it.  _('You're such a pussy, Min Yoongi.')_

Maybe he was just feeling especially self-destructive that night because he already knew where and how this was going to end: with a reminder of why he'd given up on relationships in the first place.

 

**_Hoseok [00 45]_ **

_(Attached file)_

_Blue_Side.mp3_

 

Yoongi's phone buzzed and he knew he'd lost his chance.

 

(Inside my blue dream)

 

**_Hoseok [00 45]_ **

_sorry but listen to this_

_I've been working on it for some time_

_tell me what you think_

(I want to contain you)

 

Yoongi didn't unlock his phone, instead, reading off the messages as they popped up and feeling his heart sink further with every word he skimmed over.

 

(Even if you say no)

 

**_Hoseok [00 45]_ **

_this is so cheesy_

_but there's someone hyung_

_I'm gonna send it to them_

_I need your approval_

 

(Inside my eyes)

 

Yoongi sat there waiting for what seemed like an hour, till there was no possibility of Hoseok being awake, and that's when he blasted the clip on full volume. On loop. Sitting there and taking the lyrics in, absorbing the context.

 

(Inside my blue dream)

 

**_Yoongi [03 50]_ **

_It's great, Hoseokie._

 

(I want to hold you)

 

He wanted to say more, wanted to praise his dongsaeng for the beautiful audio and its ability to transport listeners to alternate dimensions. He wanted to congratulate him on how effortlessly he was able to convey so much emotion - so much feeling - in only two stanzas. Maybe even throwing in a possible collaboration in the near future but even with the screen-brightness all the way up, there was only so much he could see with his sight blurred with salty tears.

 

(Even if you say we can't)

 

**_Yoongi [03 51]_ **

_I'm happy for you_

_I hpe things go well_

 

(Inside my embrace)

 

He didn't get an ounce of sleep, that night. Rather, he stayed up till the first signs of dawn began breaking over the horizon.  _'This was stupid, anyways,'_ he thought.  _'I'm stupid, anyways.'_

**10 - [day(s) later]**

And that's what he brooded over for days to come: how _stupid_ this entire thing was; how he only had himself to blame.

 

None of his friends saw him for the next couple of days; even his roommate, Namjoon wasn't granted of the privilege of seeing his face - neither at breakfast, nor at dinner. And despite how worried everyone was, no one broke into his room to force him out of hiding, no one demanded him to stop moping. They were waiting till he, himself, came to them and that was just another addition to the list of the many things that  _hurt._

 

Yoongi had underestimated the cold that night - it wasn’t like him at all. He could go back, yes, but what if he woke Namjoon up? Yoongi didn't want to face him, didn't want his sympathy. "It's silly, isn't it?" He asked himself, words dissipating with the wind. "How something so small sets me off?" The cold breeze blew right through Yoongi's jumper and the dampness of the sand made its way inside his jeans as he hugged his knees closer. It was foolish of him because he  _should've_ learnt from his mistakes but he didn't (hadn't) and held onto that small frayed string of hope. It's exactly why he hadn't talked to anyone about it, either: they'd all just tell him things he already knew (should've known).

 

His phone rang. It was sitting beside him on the river bank and without so much as glancing at the screen, he swiped at it, putting the call on speaker. "Hello?"

 

"Hyung?" It was Taehyung. The line was crackly, "Hyung, where are you?"

 

"I'm..." Yoongi pursed his lips. "I'm at Han River," he answered after a small pause before rushing in to add, "But I'm leaving soon."

 

He could hear a commotion in Taehyung's end of the line and wondered who was with him. "Come back, safely."

 

Yoongi grunted a response before dropping the call. Not even moments later, his phone buzzed and if he weren't already so tired, so drained, he'd probably get teary-eyed again.

 

**_Hoseok [22 58]_ **

_omw_

 

Of course, they'd told Hoseok. _Of_ _course,_ they had. He was the only person Yoongi _couldn't_ refuse, who Yoongi would still let in. And of _course,_ they all knew that. _Of_ course, that's why they were sending _Hoseok_ after him, sending him to find Yoongi.

 

He knew he had enough time to cross the river, walk to the other side of the bank and avoid seeing Hoseok, altogether but how much longer could Yoongi keep this up? He was bound to have to come clean to all of them sooner or later so why not  _sooner,_  rather than later? Therefore, he remained glued to his spot, watching the Banpo Bridge stretch elegantly over the dark waters. At first glance, the river seemed serene and peaceful, but underneath the surface were violent currents. Why people came to river was no mystery.

 

Yoongi watched the colourful lights on the pier - the drone of the nightlife somewhere in the air - sitting unblinkingly even as his eyes began stinging. It was when he began seeing the blurred edges of bokeh that he heard a car pull up behind him. He didn't need to look back. Faint footsteps rushed towards him and it wasn't long before he heard the crunch of sneakers on sand and a felt hand on his shoulder.

 

"What're you doing here, hyung?" It was stupid how deep his voice went. It was stupid how much it affected Yoongi. This was all so, so stupid.

 

What was Yoongi doing here, anyways? His friends' concern was valid, after all; everyone knew what Han River was known for. But that wasn't Yoongi's intention, was it? Granted, there had been a time when it once was; when he stood at Mapo Bridge, staring at the deep abyss, contemplating, as the abyss returned his level-headed stare with just as much sobriety. Fortunately for him, Jungkook had been conveniently passing by.

 

 _"Hyung!"_ He'd yelled, racing towards Yoongi and pulling the man into a tight hug.  _"Hyung, what're you doing here?"_   Better yet, what was  _Jungkook_ doing there? Yoongi had wanted to ask but never did and to this day, he didn't know.  _"I'm so glad I caught you here! I'm meeting up with some friends, why don't you join me? I was so nervous going alone!"_ The harsh grip Jungkook had on Yoongi's shoulders stated that this wasn't the only reason Jungkook had been  _"glad"_ on  _"catching"_   Yoongi.

 

However, Yoongi had politely declined.  _"Alright,"_  he'd flashed Yoongi his bunny-like smile and Yoongi had one more reason for staying.  _"Text me when you get home, okay?"_  And after that, Jungkook was on his way, pretending as if he didn't know Yoongi's motives. Ever since that incident, he'd grown a soft spot for their youngest and even though he wasn't as open as Jin when it came to checking on him, Yoongi still knew the maknae was looking out for him in his own, discrete ways.  _('You idiot; they love you.')_

"Thinking, Hobi," Yoongi chose his words wisely as Hoseok crouched down next to him. "Anyways," Yoongi knew this one was going to hurt, but when was he not self-destructive. So he didn't hesitate asking, "What about that clip? You said you wanted to send it to someone; how'd it go?"

 

Hoseok was quiet after that, but Yoongi could feel his eyes on him and it only made him want to curl into himself even further. He didn't, though. "Horribly," Hoseok finally said, "They ran away." He sighed, sitting cross-legged on the damp sand, bumping shoulders with Yoongi and when Yoongi finally decided to look at Hoseok, he saw the hints of a bittersweet smile still lingering on his lips.

 

"Oh?" Yoongi didn't want to know.

 

"Yeah." Hoseok nodded, staring off into the distance.

 

"No one in their right mind would turn you down," because Yoongi knew that he would never - could never. "They don't deserve you—"

 

"That's where you're wrong," Hoseok cut him off sharply, but then mellowed his tone, "They deserve everything in the world - everything I can offer and more."

 

"I see." Yoongi really  _didn't_ want to know.

 

"But..." Hoseok continued, "They keep making it harder for me." Yoongi clutched at the flimsy material of his sweater, trying his hardest to prevent himself from breaking down, again. And when Yoongi didn't speak, Hoseok did, "I like you, Yoongi." The cold, night breeze carried the words away as soon as they left his mouth but Yoongi heard them just in time.

 

This time, Hoseok waited for Yoongi's reply. Yoongi bit down on his tongue, trying to blink his tears away, but his wavering and wobbly voice gave him away, "You don't even know me, Seok-ah." He could feel his nails digging into his calloused palms even through the fabric of his sweater; the cold was really beginning to bite at him.

 

"Do we really know anything important about anyone?" His voice was gravelly. He leaned back, resting his hands flat on the ground. "Peoples' hearts are like deep wells; nobody knows what's in them - what they're feeling, what they've gone through," Hoseok hung his head back, staring at the many stars that adorned the night sky like pearls on dark velvet. But really, the real galaxy was the one reflected in Hoseok's eyes - the stars in them glittered like a thousand diamonds whenever he spoke. "Things float to the surface, every now and then, and all we can do is imagine the rest."

 

 _'Haruki Murakami...'_ Hoseok had butchered the quote but it still had Yoongi smiling against the denim of his jeans. This was just another addition to the endless things he loved about the boy: how he always knew exactly what to say. "I'm not looking for casual sex," Yoongi settled on. The reference to the first time they met drew an adorable chuckle out from Hoseok that was nothing less than music to Yoongi's ears.

 

"We'll take it as slow as you want to," Hoseok flashed Yoongi the softest smile, and in that moment he radiated nothing but fondness. "So c'mon," he covered Yoongi's hands with his own, prying them open and massaging the smooth skin with the pad of his thumb, "Let's go." He pushed himself up and offered Yoongi a hand, "Everyone's waiting for us back home."

 

And when Yoongi saw all his friends gathered round at his place in a mass of bear hugs and warm smiles,  _("Love,"_ Hoseok had said, and it was pretty close to it) he thought that yeah... maybe this is what home was supposed to feel like.

 

**12 - [month(s) later]**

Surrounded by warm hugs and heartfelt smiles and gazes full of amor, to Yoongi, this was home: the warm feeling that arose when his friends would shove cups of hot cocoa at him, or sing carols too loud. He'd pretend it annoyed him, when they all knew there was nowhere else he'd rather be than here. With them.

 

Namjoon was setting the DVD player up while everyone else was in the kitchen bothering Jin as he tried to prepare snacks for them all. Yoongi sat in the living room, inside his blanket-burrito, watching everything unfold with one of the fondest smiles gracing his lips.

 

"Jiminie," Hoseok cooed, cupping the younger male's cheeks with both his hands. Yoongi wondered what the smaller man had done this time to gouge out such a reaction from his hyung. But then again, it wasn't odd to see the elder dote on his dongsaeng every now and then because  _"Isn't our Minnie the cutest?"_  Indeed he was.

 

"Taehyungie, isn't our Minnie the cutest?" Hoseok called out and Yoongi's heart clenched at the sight of his lover's heart-shaped smile. The man was so full of overflowing love for everyone, and Yoongi was more than a little enamoured. Hoseok ruffled the younger's dark hair, causing the signature box-shaped smile to break on Taehyung’s face.

 

Jungkook approached the two from behind with an evident pout that Hoseok mimicked. "Junggukie, don't worry, there's plenty to go around," he said as he went to embrace their youngest, enveloping him in a back-hug. It was obvious how much their maknaes loved their hyung, but then again, when it came to someone as endearing as Hoseok, Yoongi really wasn't surprised with how he just...  _fit._  With all of them. As if he was meant to be.

 

Planting a kiss on Jungkook's hair, Hoseok detached himself from the youngest and finally took pity on Jin, who was trying not to let the maknaes get too close to the stove. "You look like you could use some help, Jin-hyung," he popped a few crisps into his mouth, causing the eldest to shoot him a sour look. Hoseok only laughed, as he bumped shoulders with him, snatching the spatula out of his hand and setting it to the side. "Why don't you take the desert out? I'll work on the salsa."

 

As much as it looked like Jin wanted to protest, he didn't, trusting Hoseok as one of the most responsible ones in their group. Yoongi watched the brunet toss a bunch of different ingredients into the chopper, pinches of spice here and there, and dabbling more than a few sauces into the mix. He offered Jin a spoonful and he must've been satisfied enough, seeing how he went in for more.

 

"Hoseok-ah!" Namjoon let out a frustrated groan, "Could you come here for a sec? The device isn't connecting properly." Leaving the eldest to deal with the maknaes on his own, Hoseok left Jin to his own devices and skipped over to Namjoon. There was a certain aura of optimism surrounding Hoseok that night and it only seemed to spread to the others. Yoongi was glad.

 

"You're hooking the wrong lead up, Joon," Hoseok explained calmly. Yoongi watched from the sofa, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. The sudden change in demeanour from when he was with the maknaes than when he was with the hyungs was evident; people would call Hoseok childish and silly, but Yoongi thought otherwise: Hoseok was probably the one with more sense of responsibility and reasoning than all of them combined.

 

The sofa dipped beside him. The familiar weight of Hoseok's warm body slipped in and he wrapped an arm around his lover. "Hello there," he smiled fondly at burrito-Yoongi, pecking his cheek, "I love you." No matter how much Yoongi grumbled and made his weak attempts of pushing Hoseok away, they both knew the underlying tones were nothing but sweet.

 

And if anyone overheard or saw this exchange taking place between the two of them, they didn't mention it. But with the way they kept glancing over at both of them snuggled on the couch while the movie played... It was safe to say that they all had a gist of what was going on. "I love you, too," Yoongi murmured, leaning forward to return the kiss, this time Hoseok's heart-shaped lips and somewhere, Jin might've let out a little  _"aww"_  at the sight.

 

**11 - [week(s) ago]**

However, that could never even come close to topping the first time they'd whispered those three little words to each other - in the depths of the night, tangled inside their covers. It wasn't a secret: never had been, in fact. But there was still an ache in the pit of Hoseok’s stomach whenever he saw Yoongi from across the room. Yoongi, with his gummy smile and crinkles in the corners of his eyes as he engaged himself with the maknaes and their antics.

 

It was in the looks they shared from opposite ends of the room, and how Hoseok's almond-shaped eyes softened as soon as they met Yoongi's:  _'I love you'._  It was how tentatively Yoongi's calloused hands would slide past Hoseok's knuckles and intertwine their fingers together underneath the loose sheet draped on their laps:  _'I love you'._  It was the way Hoseok cupped Yoongi's cheek, their breaths mingling, his eyes flickering to Yoongi's lips before being drawn back by the glimmer in Yoongi's brown orbs. A silent question:  _"May I?"_

_'I love you.'_

 

"Stay the night?" Hoseok tugged at the sleeve of Yoongi's shirt when they passed in the corridor. "Please?" Honestly speaking, Hoseok didn't even need to ask; he never really did. But he did so anyway simply as a precaution, just in case there was something that made Yoongi uncomfortable. He didn’t want to fall into a situation where it would cross one of the lines that Yoongi wasn't willing to cross yet.

 

"Of course." And they passed each other in the hallway, brushing shoulders as they did so. But Yoongi had given Hoseok a smile - one that was reserved for Hoseok's eyes only: one that was faint enough to be overlooked but had been all entrusting and gentle. Hoseok couldn't have missed it even if he'd tried.

 

It was the same smile Yoongi had on when they were both wrapped up in the safety of Hoseok's duvet, in the comfort of Hoseok's bed. It smelled like vanilla and deep honey. It was all homey, reminding Yoongi of early Sunday mornings and the fresh cookies his mom would have out of the oven before he even got out of bed. Double that with being enveloped in Hoseok's arms and Yoongi knew he was too far gone.

 

But maybe, for once, that was okay. Yoongi wasn't as afraid.

 

"Hey." Hoseok's whisper rang through the deep silence of their room. It didn't take much for Hoseok to have Yoongi's sole attention - if he didn't already. One of his hands carded through Yoongi's hair soothingly, the other rested comfortably on the side of Yoongi's waist. They both knew what was coming. And with the same thought running through their minds, they both opened their mouths at the same time to say:

 

" _I love you_."

 

Hoseok chuckled and Yoongi beamed.

 

"You're such a dork," came Hoseok's muffled response before he was leaning over and capturing Yoongi's lips in a sweet kiss. "I love you," Hoseok murmured as his hand fit into the curve of Yoongi's neck to pull him closer. The kiss was chaste and their mouths moved languidly, in no rush; just two boys wholeheartedly in love, taking their time to get acquainted in more ways than one.

 

Hoseok licked Yoongi's bottom lip, asking for entrance. Yoongi allowed it without hesitation. The taste was drizzled honey, topped off with hints of ginger from the cup of tea Yoongi'd had before sliding into the sheets next to Hoseok. Gingerly, Hoseok brushed the tip of his tongue against the Yoongi's before pulling back completely. "I love you so much." In the mix of their minty breaths, they weren't sure which one of them had said it but, did it really matter?

 

There was some shifting that followed: the rustle of sheets and the familiar heat that rose to Yoongi's cheeks when Hoseok situated himself on top of the smaller man. Maybe it was the closeness between them; maybe it was the anticipation for what was to come. Without wasting another second, Hoseok's lips were back on Yoongi's and this time he licked into his boyfriend's mouth with newfound confidence.

 

The whimper that rose up Yoongi's throat when Hoseok's tongue scraped the roof of his mouth only fueled him on and he tilted his head slightly, deepening the kiss. As their mouths moved in sync and their bodies reacted, Hoseok smoothed his hand down Yoongi's chest, making his breath stutter. "I've got you," Hoseok assured and it was the only reassurance Yoongi needed.

 

He trailed tiny butterfly kisses down Yoongi's jaw, his hand pushing Yoongi’s shirt up. "Hobi..." Yoongi moaned at the slight contact as Hoseok toyed with his nipples; Hoseok's fingertips playing with the tiny nubs to get them perk. "Hobi, baby..." His voice was low and gravelly. He grabbed Hoseok's face and dragged him back in for a messy kiss - all tongue and teeth.

 

Hoseok took Yoongi's bottom lip in between his teeth, pulling back slightly before letting go. A string of saliva connected them both as Hoseok slid his hand down Yoongi's abdomen, meticulously slow. There was a subtle pressure from Hoseok, the hooded gaze they shared sent tingles down Yoongi's spine. "Hobi-ah," Yoongi gasped when Hoseok slotted his thigh between both of Yoongi's legs.

 

" _Seokie_ ," he sounded desperate, but there was a tiny edge to his voice. Hoseok's fingers dipped into Yoongi's tights, pressing into the supple skin of Yoongi's abdomen. "Hoseok- _ah_ ," Yoongi whined, drawing a chuckle from the other man. He picked at the waistband of Yoongi's briefs, making the material snap against Yoongi's skin.

 

The sound reverberated inside his mind. Hoseok was on top of him, his leg pushing upwards. Yoongi's mind was hazed and they were so  _close._ So,  _so_  close and—Where was this heading? Where was thi—"Hoseok-ah,  _wai_ —no," his voice came out brittle and wavering, immediately alarming the man above him.

 

"What's wrong?” Hoseok cupped the smaller man's face in his hands, the knit between his brows deepening as his eyes scanned over Yoongi's face for any signs of distress. All previous notions behind his actions were long forgotten when he saw the moisture brimming Yoongi's eyes.

 

"I don—" He sounded overwhelmed, "I'm sorry, I—" His throat constricted, bile rising up and preventing him from going on any further. Catching onto the anxious tone in Yoongi's voice and the way he was tightly clutching Hoseok's forearm, Hoseok kissed both of Yoongi's eyelids.

 

"Shh," he cooed, pressing sweet kisses on Yoongi's forehead, his temple, his wet cheeks, the tip of his nose. "Let's go to sleep, yeah?" He offered, not waiting for Yoongi's response before he manoeuvred himself off the smaller man, lying down next to him. "It's okay," he pecked Yoongi's lips, enveloping the older man in a loving embrace.

 

All night, Hoseok drew mindless patterns into Yoongi's clothed back in an attempt to calm him down.  _"I love you,"_ was the last thing Yoongi heard him mouth against his collarbone before he slowly dozed off. Yoongi didn't know what time it was, or how much time had passed, but sleep never overtook him completely. So there he lay, in Hoseok's arms, hoping the man didn't feel how hard his heart was thudding in his chest.

 

That night was a close call, _'I need to tell him.'_

**13 - [week(s) later]**

**_Yoongi [13 28]_ **

_I need to talk to you._

 

He didn't mean to come off daunting, really, but there was no other way he thought he could've phrased it. Ever since That™ incident, Hoseok had been tip-toeing around Yoongi as if anything he'd do would set him off and it'd come to the point where Yoongi was slowly getting sick of it. He was tired, and his anxiety had been scratching away at his mind, and all he really wanted... was Hoseok. He  _missed_ him.

 

Hoseok had apologized profusely the morning after, and despite how Yoongi had  _insisted_ it was alright, he knew Hoseok wasn't wholly convinced. It wasn't fair to him; it wasn't fair to either of them.  _"What do you have to lose?"_  Namjoon had repeated one night, when Yoongi was once again cooped up in his head. His answer, as always, was:  _"Just about everything, Joonie."_

 

**_Hoseok [14 18]_ **

_ofcourse_

_ill be at your place after practice_

 

 _"You do know Hoseok isn't like that, right?"_ Namjoon popped a few more mints into his mouth.  _"What?"_  He'd raised his hands up in defence when Yoongi shot him a questioning look,  _"Helps with headaches"._  Yoongi had just shrugged, returning his attention back to his laptop screen and finalizing his current track.

 

 _"You do know Hoseok isn't like that, right?"_ is what kept swimming through Yoongi's head when Hoseok showed up at his door, right as the clock struck eight. It was still ringing in his thoughts when Hoseok sat down on the opposite end of the sofa, as far away from Yoongi as he could - which wasn't that far but, felt like oceans apart. The thought lingered while Yoongi folded his hands into his lap and didn't say a word and Hoseok - sweet, _sweet,_ loving Hoseok - waited patiently for whenever Yoongi was ready.

 

"I'm..." Yoongi started with a sigh, keeping his gaze lowered. He could feel Hoseok's eyes boring holes into him. "I'm not a very good person," Yoongi settled on and raised a hand to silence Hoseok before he could protest - which he, very much, was about to do, with his lips parted and brows furrowed. "Let me finish, please," Yoongi reprimanded, but there was no bite to his bark. "I..." He really should've rehearsed this, or at least planned out what he wanted to say. "Hoseokie, I really don't—" He was going to tear up at this point.

 

"That's okay, hyung," Hoseok reached out to take his hand, giving it a little reassuring squeeze, "Take your time, I'm here." And when Yoongi looked up, he really wished he hadn't because he was met with the most _loving,_ understanding smiles ever and... Hoseok really didn't deserve to be left in the dark like this. So Yoongi did the first thing that came to his mind: he took Hoseok by the arm and led him to his bedroom.

 

"Don't, please," Yoongi pleaded when Hoseok sat down on the edge of the bed and tried to turn on the side lamp. "There are things I've done..." Yoongi stood in between Hoseok's legs. "...to myself and to others that I can't be forgiven for." He took Hoseok's hand, giving each of his knuckles a kiss. "And after tonight, if you don't want to stay..."  _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._  "I'll understand."

 

Hoseok looked confused, unsure of where this conversation was heading - where this night would end - so Yoongi placed Hoseok's warm hands on his torso, "I want you to see for yourself: what I'm talking about." And Hoseok did as he was told, without any objections; without wasting any more time, he slowly, with shaking hands, peeled off Yoongi's tights, having them pool around his ankles.

 

The only source of light illuminating the room was the moonshine that managed to peek through the parted curtains. But even with the dim lighting, Yoongi knew Hoseok could see - could make out every little detail. "I'm sorry, I—" He choked up when Hoseok's hands came up to grasp at his waist. "I should've told you earlier, I—" He squeezed his eyes shut, covering his face with his hands to avoid looking at whatever expression painted Hoseok's face.

 

And in the moments that passed, no words were said and Yoongi's heart sank further. "Can I..." Hoseok cleared his throat, "Can I touch?" Yoongi stood half naked in front of his lover, bare and vulnerable and body on display. He'd even requested Namjoon to give them both privacy and he'd complied, staying over at a friend's for the night. Now that he thought about it, that was a stupid decision. What if Hoseok left? Yoongi'd be all alone. He didn't want to be left alone with his thoughts in this state of mind.

 

Yoongi nodded. What else could he say? What else could he do? " _Please,_  be gentle, Hoseokie," he hiccuped as he felt Hoseok's hands on him, Hoseok's fingers tracing at the many scars littering his skin. " _Please_ ," he pleaded, feeling as if he were  _this_  close to break down sobbing, "It—It never stops hurting, Hoseok-ah, please,  _please,_ be gentle." And Hoseok kept his word.

 

Yoongi could barely feel Hoseok's feather-light touch against him, but it was there - he could feel it faintly and at that moment, he didn't know whether it was reassuring or not. Hoseok was there with him but how much longer would that be? How much longer would he stay? "Whe—" The younger immediately cut himself off, pursing his lips. The skin on Yoongi's thighs was rough, and uneven, and cluttered with traces of irregular and jagged slashes - some of which seemed much, _much_ deeper than others. "When was the last time you...?" He trailed off.

 

"Over a year," came Yoongi's muffled response, "I promise, I've been clean for over a year now, Hoseokie." He was already so pale, but even then the scars managed to glow with the memories that caused Yoongi to force them on himself in the first place. In the dark of their room, Yoongi had hoped they'd look less appalling but  _oh,_  how wrong he had been. Instead of pink and colourless, they were purple and impaling - the bruises he'd given to himself out of spite.

 

"I believe you," Hoseok was being so so patient with Yoongi and it only made more silent tears flow out. "But this, Yoongi..." He pulled away to look the man square in the eye, "I swear to you, this," he grabbed Yoongi's arms, pulling the smaller man onto his lap, "Min Yoongi, this doesn't change anything." And Yoongi could've sworn his heart stopped beating for a moment right there and then.

 

He blinked dumbly, at a loss for words when Hoseok placed his hand on the back of Yoongi's head so that he was looking right at him - through him - when he repeated, "This doesn't change  _anything,_ " and gave Yoongi that sweet, ever-loving smile Yoongi had once fallen for. "I still love you the same." He leaned over, kissing Yoongi's bruised lips and with a whisper, added, "I'm  _here_."

 

"Prove it, please," Yoongi whimpered against Hoseok's broad chest.

 

Yoongi was being selfish, again - he knew he was - but he'd already fallen into that headspace where he wanted to be taken care of. And after all those relationships where his partners hadn't been empathetic, Hoseok thought Yoongi's reaction... was more than justified. "What do you want me to do, hyung?" Though, nothing could've prepared him for the answer he received.

 

" _Make love to me, Hoseok_."

 

To say he was taken aback was... an understatement. And when Yoongi didn't get a response, he pulled back to look at Hoseok with his wide, glassy eyes, and how could Hoseok ever deny him? "Do you... not want to?" Yoongi's voice cracked and Hoseok immediately rushed in.

 

"No, no! Not at all, I just—" Yoongi's face fell and Hoseok's grip on his waist tightened. Yoongi was already straddling Hoseok's thighs and Hoseok moved to pull the elder flush to his chest, making a vibrant red rise up Yoongi's neck, tinting the tips of his ears in the process. "Are you sure?" He accentuated his question by bringing a hand down to rest on Yoongi's plush thighs. "Promise me you're not just saying that because it's something I would want."

 

" _Please,_  Hoseokie," his entire body convulsed when he moved to grind down on Hoseok's lap, "I need you." And how could Hoseok ever deny him? How could he refuse when Yoongi was asking -  _had_ been asking - so nicely.

 

"Of course." Hoseok gave in. "Tell me if you want to stop," he whispered against Yoongi's lips. Yoongi's fingers slid into Hoseok's hair, tilting his face up so he could kiss him good – kiss him with a little needy desperation. Hoseok's eyes fluttered shut. He groaned into Yoongi's mouth as he changed their positions: moving from the edge of the bed and carefully pushing Yoongi down onto the blankets, covering him up with his body.

 

"I'm gonna make you feel good, hyung," Hoseok mumbled as he thumbed against Yoongi's clothed crotch, swallowing down the moan that bubbled up Yoongi's throat. Hoseok slid down his body, looking up at Yoongi - whose breaths are already coming out in short pants - when he was level with his crotch. "I'll stop if you want me to," he repeated for good measure.

 

Hoseok mouthed at the seams of Yoongi's briefs, pressing the flat of his tongue up against Yoongi's clothed and half-hard cock, effectively making Yoongi moan out loud, "Hoseokie,  _please_ , don't be mean." As much as he wanted to tease and gauge out various reactions from his lover, he decided that  _tonight_ was Yoongi's night, and he was going to do whatever the man wanted.

 

"Mm,  _yes_ ," Yoongi purred as his boyfriend’s hand slipped into his boxers, palming at his cock. Soon, the shorts were on the floor and Hoseok was peeling both his and Yoongi's shirts from their bodies, discarding them off to one corner of the room. Yoongi's cock was already hard, the head a soft pink and dripping pre-cum onto his abdomen. Hoseok eased his lover's thighs open, eyes falling to the many scars on Yoongi's skin; they needed to talk, later - he made a mental note of it.

 

" _Hoseok_..." Yoongi's cock twitched when Hoseok's hot, heavy, half-lidded gaze fell on him - scanning his body. "Drawer: lube," he managed to make out. Hoseok nodded and wordlessly reached over for the supplies. There was a small  _click_ when the bottle was uncapped and Hoseok was drizzling a generous amount of the substance onto his fingers.

 

"Baby, tell me if it hurts," he whispered, lowering himself onto Yoongi's body once more. He ran a finger over Yoongi's puckering hole, watching it clench around nothing before slowly easing one lube-coated finger in. Hearing Yoongi hiss at the initial intrusion, he cupped Yoongi's neglected cock in his other hand, giving it a few pumps in time with his finger.

 

"Hoseok- _ah_ ," Yoongi whimpered, toes curling in a mix of pleasure and pain while Hoseok simultaneously worked another finger in and licked a stripe up Yoongi's shaft. He thrust his fingers in at a constant, languid pace to get Yoongi accustomed to the stretch before scissoring them and watching Yoongi squirm beneath him. With his free hand, he grabbed Yoongi’s cock, tonguing at the slit and taking him into his mouth. "Seokseok, please, mo— _more_ ," Yoongi begged, almost choking on his own spit.

 

Hoseok hummed around his shaft, the vibrations shooting up Yoongi's spine, his back arching and hand coming to tangle itself in the roots of Hoseok's hair. " _Faster_ , pleas— _mh_ ," he moaned, feeling Hoseok's teeth gently scrape at his sensitive skin just as the tips of his fingers brushed at the spot that made him see stars. "There,  _there, please,_ Hoseok-ah," he mewled and Hoseok curled his fingers, a third joining in because he enjoyed the way Yoongi's voice hitched each time he added a finger.

 

"Am ready," he nearly cried, bringing a hand up to cover his mouth. " _Hoseokie_ , please, need you no—need you  _now_ ," he sobbed, breath already coming out in short pants. This time around, Hoseok didn't listen. Instead, he dragged the flat of his tongue up Yoongi's shaft and wrapping his lips around the crown of it. " _Seok_ —" Yoongi gasped when Hoseok hollowed out his cheeks and sucked. That coupled with how he was continuously stroking at Yoongi's prostate and Yoongi was writhing underneath within seconds.

 

"I'm gon—" His hips stuttered, grip on the bed sheets tightening as he gasped, "Seok-ah, I'm gonna  _com_ —fu— _ah!_ " He sputtered, feeling the cold air hit his member, the warmth of Hoseok's mouth long gone. He looked down at the man responsible, abdominal muscles clenching and cock twitching, all slicked up. All he was met with was Hoseok's infuriatingly innocent smile, mussed hair, and red lips coated with a sheen of spit.

 

"We alright?" He had the audacity to ask, watching Yoongi panting below him. "I'll make you feel real good soon," he promised, ducking his head and licking the rim of Yoongi's fluttering hole. He chuckled when he saw Yoongi's mouth contort into a tiny _"o"_ , all previous complaints forgotten. Hoseok pushed himself up on his forearms, making a show of unbuckling his belt and all the while maintaining a steady eye-contact with his boyfriend. Yoongi's breath caught in the back of his throat when he saw just how hard his counterpart really was - straining prominently against the fabric of his jeans.

 

" _Kiss me,_  please," Yoongi's voice already sounded hoarse and he looked so fucked out, so  _heavenly_  lying there, reaching out for Hoseok; it sent tingles right down to his groin. Tossing his pants off to the side, he slid his hands down Yoongi's plush thighs. The glossy appearance of his scars glared back at him and his grip tightened. "I love you so much," Hoseok's breathed into Yoongi's mouth when they connected for another slow kiss - tongues gliding over one another.

 

Yoongi never failed to knock the air right out of Hoseok's lungs, and Hoseok realised that he really needed to tell the man just that: how strong he believed Yoongi was to have lived through everything and make it to this day, next to him. He wanted to -  _needed_ to - tell Yoongi how admirable he thought his boyfriend was, how his love had only doubled after the events of today. He needed to tell Yoongi how brave he'd been -  _is:_  how much of an inspiration he was, is and always will be.

 

But right now, the only cohesive thought swimming through his mind was the overwhelming need to please his lover and the only sound that reached his ears were of the whimpers that escaped Yoongi's mouth as his member pulsed, hot and heavy, against the dip of his pelvis. So he pressed impossibly closer to Yoongi, hoping he could temporarily convey his feelings, his thoughts, through a simple kiss.

 

Without breaking it, he ripped a condom packet open - the one that had been lying beside him - feeling around for the bottle of lube. Yoongi flicked at Hoseok's lips with his tongue, biting at his bottom lip gently, and swallowing down the responding groan. "I love you," Yoongi responded in between kisses. Uncapping the bottle and slicking himself up, Hoseok turned his head to the side, offering a better angle for him to lick into Yoongi's mouth, slowly tracing his teeth and meeting the other's tongue with his own.

 

"Please, please,  _please,_  ple—Hoseo _kie_ ," Yoongi moaned when he felt the tip of Hoseok's cock probing at his hole. Gently, oh so fucking gently, Hoseok pushed in, trying his hardest to go slow and give Yoongi intervals in-between to adjust to the painful stretch. Yoongi’s face was contorted into discomfort and Hoseok thought he saw moisture welling up in his eyes.

 

Wanting nothing but to reduce his boyfriend's pain as much he could, Hoseok immediately pushed all the way in with one hard thrust and the moan it ripped out of Yoongi as he tossed his head back into the pillow caused a blush to rise up Hoseok's face. "Fu-u- _uck_ ," Yoongi whined, throat constricting when Hoseok's cock was settled deeply in Yoongi's tight heat. "God, god, _god,_  Hoseo— _fuck!_ " He gasped at the feeling of being so full - feeling all the ridges and curves of Hoseok's thick cock inside him - senses oversaturated with Hoseok, Hoseok,  _Hoseok._

"I just—" Hoseok groaned into the damp skin of the crook of Yoongi's neck, "I just  _prepped_ you, how are you so—" He sounded so broken and it only added to Yoongi's arousal knowing how far  _gone_ his lover already was - all because of him. "Baby, you're so fucking  _ti_ —" He was cut off mid-sentence by a moan he couldn't contain any longer, as Yoongi clamped down on his cock. "Tell me when to move," his grip on Yoongi's waist was bruising, but that was  _everything_ keeping him anchored, right now - keeping him grounded.

 

Almost entranced, he fingered at the red rim that engulfed him - where they were both connected - causing Yoongi to whimper from oversensitivity. " _Now,_  ngh—" He almost choked, bringing his ankles to lock behind Hoseok's back, pulling him impossibly closer. Hoseok licked a stripe up the column on Yoongi's throat with the broad of his tongue, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin there, just as his hips began to move; gyrating in small circles as he gave shallow thrusts into Yoongi's wet heat.

 

He brought his hands up to Yoongi's, fingers sliding past his sweaty palms and slotting themselves between his own, before pinning both of their intertwined hands above Yoongi's head. Pressing Yoongi's body into the sheets, he pulled out half-way, snapping his hips upwards, catching Yoongi off-guard. "You're so beautiful, Yoongi." All honorifics were thrown out the window when Hoseok finally began moving his hips.

 

"You're  _so,_  so  _good_  to me." He could've sworn he heard a crack in his self-restraint when Yoongi whimpered at the praise. " _Yoongi,_  baby," he cooed, sweat building up on his back and muscles flexing with every calculated and deliberate thrust. "My pretty  _baby_ ," he relished in the noises and tiny sounds that left Yoongi and knowing he had this effect on the elder only heightened his senses - his pleasure - even more.

 

"I love you." Yoongi felt those almond-shaped eyes bore into his soul when Hoseok placed his forehead against his own. Grinding into each other in the most intimate way possible, sweaty bodies touching chest-to-chest, mouths now reconnecting with a slow passion - Yoongi kissing Hoseok the way he liked to be kissed, the way Yoongi liked to kiss him.

 

The wet sounds and squelches of skin slapping onto skin as Hoseok thrust into Yoongi sent him over the edge. When Hoseok angled his hips, his cock repeatedly assaulting his prostate gland, Yoongi came - spilling onto both their stomachs - with little  _"ah, ah, ah"_ s and mouth hanging agape. Seeing his boyfriend come undone underneath him so beautifully, bottom lip trembling in oversensitivity but still keeping their searing eye contact and squeezing their entwined hands with the broken moan of his name, "Hoseo— _gh_ —kie" was all it took to drive Hoseok to the edge and he spilled into the condom with a low grunt.

 

He pulled out, watching Yoongi's hole clenching and unclenching around nothing. Hoseok reluctantly tore himself away from Yoongi with a whisper of  _"I'll be right back"_  and a peck to his sweaty forehead. He reappeared from the bathroom holding a wet towel in hand and, with a small smile, walked over to Yoongi's figure, quietly and gently cleaning himself and his lover up. His heart still broke when he wiped at Yoongi's mutilated thighs - applying little to no pressure to avoid bringing his lover any pain - which reminded him:  _they needed to talk._

With a deeply sated smile, Yoongi pulled Hoseok back into bed and Hoseok gladly allowed him to do so. "I love you," Yoongi hummed, kissing the centre of Hoseok's palm before bringing it to wrap around his own waist. "Now, sleep," Yoongi mumbled and Hoseok chuckled against his neck, lips moving against his skin.

 

"I love you, too," Hoseok coddled, pulling the man's back to his chest. And they fell asleep, just like that: cuddling in each others' arms and with completely relaxed and satisfied smiles on their faces.

 

*** ~ * ~ * ~ ***

Which was only the partial truth. The high did eventually wear off and the fatigue did eventually settle, and despite how their muscles were achingly sore, sleep was still evading them. They lay there, spooning for who-knows-how-long, eyelids heavy and memories of their previous ministrations playing at the back of their minds.

 

"Hoseok?" Yoongi whispered, shifting around a little bit and trying his hardest not to wake his boyfriend up - if he had ever been asleep in the first place.

 

"Yes, love?" Hoseok's voice was groggy as he rubbed at his eyelids, yawning.

 

"Can't sleep?" Yoongi asked and the younger only crooned, burrowing his nose deeper into Yoongi's neck. His skin felt cool but overall, but still sticky, so he lightly kicked at Hoseok's leg, sniggering when he heard the moan of disapproval. "I want tea, lazybones," he pulled himself up, wincing at just how sore he really was.

 

Hoseok, noticing and being the sweetheart that he is, offered to do the work. He got up, pulling loose sweatshirts and basketball shorts from the dresser. He dressed himself before heading over to dress Yoongi. It occurred to him when he was slipping the shorts up Yoongi's slender calves that he has, not once in the entirety of their friendship, ever seen Yoongi in shorts or capris - it was always either jeans or tights - and he'd never thought much of it.

 

Not up until tonight, that is. "Stop thinking that much," Yoongi flicked at the creases between Hoseok's brows, "You reek." Hoseok laughed along with him before gathering the man in his arms and carrying him off to the kitchen, princess style, with a little effort, and setting him down on the counter.

 

The kitchen valances were drawn on the window, right atop the sink, allowing the opalescent twilight to pour inside. Hoseok added the dried chamomile flowers to the water, leaving the pot on low over the stove. He made his way over to his boyfriend, whose delicate features and pale skin were glowing under the iridescent moonlight. "Is there anything you want to tell me?" He asked, slotting himself between Yoongi's legs.

 

"Is there anything you want to know?" Yoongi humoured him, quirking his brows inquisitively.

 

A fresh tide of deja vu washed over both of them when they realised this was a practical replay of the conversation they'd had some time back - so long ago in the confines of Yoongi's studio. "Yes, hyung," he huffed, but the underlying smile still shone through when he ran his hands over Yoongi's plush thighs, gripping them under his knees.

 

"Well, what is it?"

 

"Everything." He paused before adding, "Please?" Their banter was lighthearted, but even in the dim light, Hoseok could see the anxiety bubbling behind those brown eyes, washing over him in waves until all Hoseok could see was the storm and the uncertainty on Yoongi’s face. "Hey," he cupped his lover's face in his tender hands, "It's okay, you know?" He reminded him, "I told you, your past doesn't define you."

 

Instead of arguing with him on that, Yoongi let out a dejected sigh, "No, I just... There's not much of a story to tell and it's not that big of a dea—"

 

"It doesn't have to be," Hoseok stepped in. "It doesn't need to have a climax - a build-up; it doesn't have to be dramatic," he assured Yoongi, gaze alternating between both of his porcelain-like eyes, "Because the more dramatic you make it seem, the more dramatic it becomes. This is just me wanting to know what happened, and no matter what, I'm the last person on earth who would judge you for coping with things I've got no idea what it feels like going through." He pressed his lips to Yoongi's forehead in a sweet, lingering kiss, "So tell me whenever you're ready."

 

It didn't take much coercion to draw Yoongi out of his shell because after a few nerve-wracking moments of silence, he decided Hoseok deserved to know; for everything he'd done for Yoongi and for all the love and support and comfort Yoongi sought in him... it was unfair to keep him the dark for any longer. "I knew people-" he started, keeping his eyes focused on his lap. "-who made it seem that it was the answer to everything.”

 

"It wasn't, and there's never a justifiable reason to do so, but I didn't know any better." His brows were furrowed and a thoughtful expression painted his face as he recalled, relived, and regretted. "I realised it a few months later: I need to stop. I did, momentarily, but then my psyche convinced me that it's what I deserved for doing what I had, for persisting as long as I did.

 

"I fell... further." Yoongi didn't dare look up at Hoseok, only felt his presence beside himself, stoic and unmoving, and regardless of what Hoseok had said, of how Hoseok had  _insisted_ he was staying no matter what... it shook up his belief. He kept going, nonetheless, "It was more... getting high off the pain, at first - makes me sound like a sicko, doesn't it?" He snorted at the snide comment, but the fingernails digging into the palms of his hands conveyed different emotions. "But it escalated quickly till..." He could hear his heart beating in his ears, mouth going dry at the recollection of memories. "Till I started having a weird fixation with a colour..." He panned over the skin he'd treated like papers for years. “And my reality…” The toll it'd taken on him. "... became _red_."

 

He tore his eyes away quickly, like a paper cut, shaking his head and inhaling deeply to calm his raging mind. "Fast forward to months later and I met Namjoon online. We talked and I told him... everything, I guess?" He still regretted how open he'd been: how desperate he may have seemed, but that was in the past now - Yoongi was over it.

 

"He really helped me, y'know? I started going to the therapist, sorted shit out with my parents, made new friends and cut off all my toxic relationships." That was definitely just the highlighted bits of what had actually happened, but everything had been more or less in his mind and that's what his psychologist had told him:  _"You are your own worst enemy, Yoongi: what you have to overcome,"_  she'd said and these were her exact words,  _"Is yourself."_

 

"I still visit one from time-to-time," he confessed, squeezing his eyes shut  _('What's he gonna think of me?')._  "When I think things are hitting rock bottom, but I truly  _have_ gotten better, Hoseokie, I  _promi_ —"

 

"That's okay," Hoseok cut him off before he could say anything else and Yoongi whipped his head up to finally,  _finally,_ look at him. He'd been listening intently, all this time but he knew it was time to change the subject when he saw Yoongi was falling into that headspace again. "Thank you, for sharing that with me," he kissed Yoongi's temple. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state, laying himself bare for Hoseok's sake, making such a troubled expression... Hoseok almost felt bad for putting him on the spot.

 

"I love you," he smiled at the older man, giving him one last chaste kiss on the lips before pulling himself away to divert his attention to boiling pot of the water on the stove behind them. He poured them both a cup, inhaling deeply to catch the soothing scent it was giving off. "Tea, Yoo—" A pair of arms came up to snake themselves around his waist just as he was about to turn around and had him stop dead in his tracks.

 

" _I love you, too,_ " Yoongi mumbled into Hoseok's back, nuzzling his face into the fabric of his shirt and Hoseok just smiled.

 

_Yeah._

 

They were going to be just alright.

 

*** ~ * ~ * ~ ***

So when Namjoon entered their shared apartment, tip-toeing inside, and found the two of them snuggled up on the couch together, he said nothing; only padding over to his room to get a blanket to drape over both of them.

 

**_Namjoon [06 42]_ **

_Hold off the raid for today_

 

**_Jimin [06 43]_ **

_WHATAJSDAJHDUSHADH_

**_Taehyung [06 52]_ **

_BUT WHAY :(((((((((_

 

He snapped a quick picture.

 

**_Namjoon [06 53]_ **

_[Attached image]_

_Do you really want to ruin that?_

 

**_Jimin [06 53]_ **

_:''''''''')_

**_Taehyung [06 58]_ **

_Ok but_

_They totally did it didn't they_

_;)_

**_Jungkook [07 03]_ **

_OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH_

_M gonna show this to Yoongi hyung later_

**_Taehyung [07 09]_ **

_Hes gonna c it neways_

**_Jin [07 11]_ **

_Lol yall are dead_

_Specially uou joon_

 

Namjoon chuckled, scooping some of Yoongi's favourite cereal straight from the box (he was going to be fine.) He gave one last glance to the two boys curled up on the sofa; Yoongi's head buried in Hoseok's chest and Hoseok's arms wrapped protectively around his boyfriend's torso, both having blissful expressions and hints of a smile on their faces.

 

**_Jimin [07 17]_ **

_K but_

**_Taehyung [07 17]_ **

_The raids still on_

**_Jungkook [07 17]_ **

_HELL YEAH_

 

Namjoon smiled at his phone screen, gingerly closing the door behind him as he headed back out.

 

**_Jin [07 19]_ **

_Don't you boys dar e drag me into this_

 

Yeah.

 

They were going to be just fine.

 

**[fin]**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Believe me, I wasn't originally planning on giving this such a satisfying ending but I couldn't put my character through so much more pain after they've already been through so much. I think that every one of us deserves someone who'll love them unconditionally, everyone deserves a happy ending.
> 
> So if you're out there and currently going through a lot, please know that you're loved and that I'm so, so proud for having made it today <3 Fighting!
> 
> Also, don't forget to leave a comment and Kudos if you enjoyed ^^ Would you rather I write another part to this but in Hoseok's POV or another chapter to delve in Yoongi's relationship with the rest of the members?
> 
> Come follow me on my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fudgeyboii), let's be friends :D


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